I often have premonitions in my dreams. Mostly random, simple, everyday life visions which warns me from making a decision, or brings guidance in my confusion. Once in a while my premonition dream sends me a message in images to pass on to someone else, nothing profound but rather a simple message to help light someone elses way. More often than not the premonition is real, comes true in some way, (like the one I had about the car accident and it happened a week later) and I move on. But not this time, well yes it came true, but I am having a difficult time internally moving on. And yes, this was a profound dream, one that may change things for me in a way that ends up pulling pieces of my Self apart and gluing them back together in a brand new way.
I was sucked through a raw vortex of energy and landed in an unfamiliar setting. Looking around for a moment I asked myself, am I me or am I someone else? I began to shutter with fear and feel as if I was swallowing water, drowning, grasping for air. Suddenly I popped up and was sitting on concrete. Darkness set in and the air I breathed in was filled with a fear that crept under my skin. Where am I? Soon I drifted up farther into the air and was floating above looking down at the scene below me. I saw a big white Chevrolet truck zoom by twice, back and forth, as if it was in a hurry to get somewhere, but it was going nowhere. There was a large warehouse building to my left, and a paved path right next to the building. Somehow I was able to see through the concrete sidewalk, I was amazed at my ability to see through it as if it was a window. My eyes zoned in on a 2 or 3 people swimming in deep murky waters. As I glazed at them watching I suddenly realized they were trapped in the waters. I quickly moved towards them and tried to reach out and touch them but a thin layer of alternate realities laid between us like a shield. I was unable to break through this thin shield to reach the guys drowning. “I am so confused. What am I watching? I don’t like this?” I whispered out to the universe. In my mind’s eye I turned on a radio to listen to the news, I heard a bunch of static and a low mumbling about a missing person’s report. I looked down again the people, the person, I zoomed in to take a clear look, someone down there is very familiar to me. “Who are you?” I screamed out. “Are you lost? Do you need help?” As I yelled out I filled with fear, everything below began to move quickly, as if someone suddenly clicked on fast forward. I could see the eyes of one of the guys and I yelled out hoping he would hear me, “You will be ok. I promise.” My body shook as an ominous feeling washed over me.
I popped my eyes open and woke up to the darkness of the night. I laid in bed filled with an anxiety I was unable to shake. What was that? Who was that? Was I supposed to see that? What is going on? Come on mind retrace, retrace those images, zoom in on those people!
It is very uncommon for me not to fall asleep and stay asleep during the night. I am a deep sleeper. I was born to sleep, it is my gift. However, this particular night I was barely asleep for two hours and then found myself wide awake drowning in the sea of my own anxiety. Why was this dream bothering me so much? At the moment after I awoke I could not recall all the details from the dream. I saw the warehouse building –check. Underneath the sidewalk I saw vast murky water with current so strong I thought it would suck me down– check. I saw two people, no three guys, no two guys, UGH! Tossing and turning from my struggle of recognizing the guys I saw who in my dream felt familiar to me. I felt so terrified, a fear I had not experienced in years, was this a nightmare? After about an hour of tossing and turning and begging my mind for some more answers regarding the dream I told myself to let it go. I was hoping if I let it go then when I awoke in the morning more images would appear for me. Unfortunately I never really fell back to sleep deep enough to feel restful. I stayed half awake as I slept keeping one eye open to the dense dying energies that hovered in my room from this particular dream that hovered over me.
There contained such a feeling of death within me when dawn rose in the sky. I got up out of bed feeling exhausted, sick to my stomach, worried, and confused. I could not help but feel it was someone I knew who was dying. I dream of people dying, missing, lost often, many people who I don’t know and every dream I am only able to guide them. But this dream of different the whole day I felt agitated, I felt as though I was being followed or someone was attached to me. I felt off and not myself. The first part of the morning I was speaking in opposites. Literally, I kept saying such things as goodnight rather than good morning; I told my daughter to get ready for bed, when I needed to tell her to get ready for school. My thoughts were jumbled and my speech was slurred. I saw my reality as a blur; I did not feel as if I was in my body. I kept myself moving and busy all day around the house and with my writing so that I would not get lost in my dream.
This same evening I received a call from my best friend in Alaska. I used to live in a remote coastal fishing village in SE Alaska. I fell in love with the natural beauty, the lifestyle, and a native man who I ended up marrying. But as many love affairs go, it did not evolve the way I had hoped and in the end we both ended up with broken hearts. As soon as I heard her message to call her back I knew someone had died, but I assumed it was someone in her family. Fear washed over me. I felt that death had arrived for someone I knew. At that very moment I was feeling the exact sharp tingling sensation as I did in my dream the night before. My best friend informed me my ex-husband was in a fishing accident with two of his friends. His two friends drowned… and he almost did but somehow he survived as he was able to grab onto the boat and cling to it for 4 to 5 hours. All the images of my dream came tumbling down and I mentally went directly into shock mode. I dreamt of his near death experience before it happened?! Those guys, his friends, I saw drowning in my dream happened to drown in real life? This dream experience hit way to close to home.
I never felt connected to him after we split or felt he was my soul mate, but for whatever reason I never realized he and I were deeply connected as I too felt so connected to Alaska and his fishing life style. I first fell into shock mode because the dream I had the night before came to the forefront of my mind. It suddenly made sense now. I somehow tapped into his life and foreshadowed what was his and his two friend’s ultimate fate. I have always dreamt of others death far far away from me, certainly never the death of someone I had once loved or shared a moment in life with. I was not sure if I was allowed to feel grief, I could not understand why I was feeling any sadness as he had not died and we had been apart for years. I was afraid to shed a tear for him, the accident, or the loss of his two friends.
I read this morning in an Alaskan news blurb that the survivor of the accident was found hanging on to his dear life. I am sorry for his loss, for the pain he must be feeling, for the near death experience he just went through. However, I can’t help but twirl through my head, how did I tap so strongly into his life in my dream? If I did recognize him in my dream what would it have mattered? How could I have stopped him? Isn’t fate just what it is, what is meant to be? The grief I felt seeped into the next morning. I had been twirling around in my head thinking too much about why I am feeling this way rather than sitting in and embracing my own feelings.
A few days have passed and what I have realized is that I am grieving over my dream, and grieving for the tragedy that struck a man I once deeply loved. I saw what happened before it happened, I don’t believe I was meant to prevent it but the intensity of the dream coming true has left me baffled, and at this very moment I am scared of my dreams. Have I evolved so much into my gifts that I am tapping into something explain-ably greater then what I have seen to be true? What I have always thought was beautiful, this lovely gift of mine, how I have helped myself in the most wonderful ways, how I am able to guide others through their feelings of grief through transformation into happiness, has come to a quick halt for me. I am lost in my own internal sea of confusion, how can I be given such a vision for me to do nothing with?! I believe everyone has their time to go, young or old, right or wrong, what is meant to be is meant to be. Obviously it was not meant for me to recall who it was grasping for air in front of me, drowning. I was only to know it was someone I knew.
Today I am beginning to look at life slightly different. I realize I cannot escape any longer into a world of imaginative thought, I am not allowed to create dreams of sugar plums and dancing bears. I am given what to see. And today, just for a day or two, I desire to shut it off; close the windows, shut the curtains. Peering into the darkness this week is causing me to much unexplainable sorrow that has taken me by surprise. What is the purpose of looking through the dream window, the eyes, of someone I know, when I am unable to help what fate ultimately has in store?
To continue reading about this experience click Moving Through A Premonition
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