The parts of me who I had long hidden and forgotten appeared on Sunday night/ Monday morning in a dream…
a young girl around 7 or 8… and a young boy around the same age (maybe a year younger). I did not realize they were there at all but I had kept them hidden in Alaska with a native family.
I was told that it was time they should come home with me .. at the end of this year, end of the month.. which is a little more then a week away. I was shocked at first… did not have any thoughts or feelings at first… numb. My friend Tracy told me they could stay but she did not recommend it… if I did not bring them soon I may not have a chance to have a relationship with them ever again. She mentioned they were receiving their funds at the end of the month. And they could take it with them… I questioned if the money should not stay with the tribe. Tracy said no, it is the children’s money and you will need it.
I stood on a porch of the house watching the children play across the street, running around laughing. I watched as my daughter played with her soon to be brother and sister. I just did not think I should separate them from the tribe. The young girl came up to me and gave me a big hug. Her hair long, brown and in two braids — she looked so much like me.
“Would you like to come with me or would you like to stay?” I asked her looking in her big brown eyes.
‘I want to stay.” She replied.
I felt sad. Of course she wanted to stay .. this life is what she has always known.. this is where i put her since she was so young and i was not ready to tend to her.
“I agree you should stay. But I think it would be best if you came home with me.”
She became sad and shrugged her shoulders. “If it is time then yes I should come with you.” and she ran off to play.
I watched all the kids play, running around chasing each other.. taking in the warmth of the air.. of the sun. The house across the street was a reddish orange and I admire its humbleness.
I admired my little boy, he stopped running turned to me and smiled. I could feel his love even though it was me who left him so long ago. I felt fear, sadness, and a slight joy.. bringing them back home to live with me would be quite the adventure.
I heard a voice..”It’s time.” And I felt a touch on my shoulder.
I woke up.
I awoke to the dark dawn of winter solstice.